The Dagmar Perspective

For anyone who knows me, you know I have a secret love for Korean Dramas (commonly referred to as K-Dramas). About once every couple of months, the urge hits me to start a new series, and before I know it, I’ve lost hours of sleep binge watching episodes. I’m embarrassed to even think about how many hours I have invested into my K-Dramas addictions over the years. Perhaps I can justify it by counting the time spent toward the 10,000 hours needed to be an expert in something. So… consider me your amateur Korean Drama expert in-training! 

What makes Kdramas so addictive isn’t just their nonsensical plot twists or their tendency for ending every episode on a cliffhanger designed to keep you pressing “next episode” at 2 a.m. Their unique recipe is how the shows are structured. Each episode runs close to an hour, if not longer, and a single series is usually not less than 15 episodes, but typically in the 25-30 episode range. But unlike Western soap operas and telenovelas, they don’t stretch across endless seasons (side note: did you know the famous soap opera Days of Our Lives ran for almost 60 years??). Once the story is told in a K-Drama, that’s it; the story is over. The characters are allowed to complete their character arch without being dragged out for several years until the writers run out of ideas. 

Now, if I am being honest, the plots themselves are not always works of art. In any given K-Drama, you are more than likely going to see the same structure: a stoic CEO with a hidden soft side, the quirky female lead who breaks down his walls, the jealous second love, the comic-relief best friend, the villain mother, and inevitably, someone getting hit by a car (bonus if it ends in a temporary coma!). But the real draw isn’t in the originality of the stories, it’s in the way the relationships unfold. And here’s where K-Dramas differ most from western shows: they don’t rely on sexualized scenes and physical intimacy to move the story forward.

If you’re looking for steamy, graphic romantic scenes, K-Dramas are not for you. It can take 10 episodes before the two leads even hold hands, let alone kiss. When they finally do kiss (IF it even ever happens), it’s often a small peck on the lips, followed by prolonged eye contact with overly dramatic romantic music playing in the background. South Korea’s conservatism is written into the DNA of these shows, and while at first it feels almost too restrained, it’s actually what makes the shows so appealing. Even the fashion plays into this restraint. K-Dramas don’t rely on revealing outfits to create allure. Instead, the clothing is usually conservative, often baggy, but still modern and trendy.

In contrast, Western movies and television seem to force sexually explicit scenes and scantily clad women at their viewers, so much so it has almost become expected. The ratio of sex scenes to gory violence scenes in mainstream movies/shows feels about fifty-fifty, which means if someone isn’t hooking up on screen, they’re probably being killed off. I believe that this constant saturation of highly sexualized scenes in the majority of our media has numbed us.

Of late, I have been reading the book Dopamine Nation by Dr. Anna Lembke (a book I highly recommend btw), which dives into how repeated overexposure to dopamine triggers leaves us desensitized and craving more extreme hits just to feel the same level of excitement. I am sure after watching 8 seasons of Game of Thrones, the average viewer has become accustomed to seeing highly explicit scenes in their everyday media consumption. We’ve been conditioned to expect intensity, and as a result, the smaller romantic gestures barely register anymore. 

When you strip away the overt sexuality, the smallest interactions suddenly feel monumental. You start to feel the giddiness of eye contact, feel the thrill of two characters holding hands for the first time. Not to mention the feeling of absolute excitement when an accidental stumble results in the male lead embracing the female lead to catch her fall. The romance in K-Dramas is not correlated to how much skin is shown or how passionate a kiss may be, but rather in how much anticipation can be built between two characters. 

Of course, all of this ties back to Korean culture itself. Public displays of affection have historically been frowned upon in South Korea. The Korea Times even ran an article (ok, back in 2012) debating where the line should be drawn with public displays of affection, demonstrating how the country still battles the residual conservative values of an older generation. It makes sense that K-Dramas also reflect this cultural restraint. And while younger generations in Korea do seem to be pushing boundaries and embracing more progressive cultural beliefs, K-Dramas still appeal to a broad audience of both teens and older viewers, which likely explain why the more conservative narrative continues to appear in Korean media to this day.

K-Dramas remind us that romance doesn’t need to be sexualized to be exciting. In fact, the restraint makes the story feel more attainable. It mirrors the reality of relationships, where the thrill is often in the smaller milestones. It is important that we preserve the excitement felt the first time hands are held or food is shared. That, to me, feels infinitely more romantic than yet another forced sex scene in a movie that will be forgotten by next year.

If you’re tempted to dive in and start exploring Korean Dramas for yourself and reset your dopamine levels, I highly recommend you start with these three series (also as an unofficial rule, you have to watch them in their original language with subtitles; no dubbing allows. The charm and humor of K-Dramas can only be truly appreciated in Korean):

1. Strong Girl Bong-soon is a rom-com classic that blends humor with an adorably awkward romance, and a dash of superpowers. The female lead in this series is my all time favorite character, with the lead male not too far behind. 
2. The Legend of the Blue Sea is another rom-com, except with the twist of mermaids. And yet again, it includes another adorable female lead which makes the series worth watching.
3. Crash Landing on You is a classic absurd K-Drama plot, involving a South Korean heiress who accidentally paraglides into North Korea and falls in love with a soldier. All that said, the absurdity is what makes this series so enjoyable. 

If you decide to begin searching for your own recommendations, a word of caution: do not start with Mr. Sunshine, which is a popular K-Drama on Netflix. It’s a fascinating period piece with a powerful plot, but it will emotionally wreck you. I binged the entire series over the course of one weekend and was left traumatized by the ending. Consider it an advanced-level K-Drama, the kind you save once you’ve built some stamina. Same goes for The King: Eternal Monarch, another K-Drama commonly found on Netflix. For now, I recommend that you stick with the starter pack prescribed above. Once you’ve finished those, you have graduated and ready for the next round of recommendations! And trust me, I have plenty. Welcome to the K-Drama family, and happy watching!

COMPLETELY UNRELATED: Did you know the term “soap opera” comes from the 1930s when detergent companies sponsored dramas to advertise their products to housewives? Not in any way applicable to any of the points above in my blog, but too interesting not to note!